When Did It All Happen?
This post is going to sound corny in every sense of the word, literally, figuratively, metaphorically etc. But I hope you can bear with me. This is just a collection of my thoughts upon review. Today, I watched the movie “Finding Neverland” featuring Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet. This movie depicts the making of J.M. Barrie’s play, “Peter Pan”. As I was watching this film, I thought that this movie would be just cute, adorable and a bit nostalgic. But I was actually touched. Not tearing, sobbing kind of feeling, but reminiscent of my childhood. What does it mean to be young, innocent, stubborn and all-in-all pure. Because I was thinking about my childhood, it reminded me of the times I would see “Peter Pan” on videocassette. At first it my cousin, my sister and I would watch the play version of ”Peter Pan” (on vhs) together. But as we got older, slowly one by one we would forget our love and need for Neverland, or the place to imagine. It started with my cousin, she visited less, and less and soon became so distant that it was as if she were stranded on an island that my sister and I could not reach. Then next it was my sister. Unlike my cousin it wasn’t due to the fact that she wasn’t physically there, but it was the fact that she grew out of her childhood and was becoming the person that she is now. My sister and I used to play pretend. I remember plenty of times being animals, particularly cats and dogs, or of TV characters, such as “Charmed”, but I knew that she was changing. First she would only play because I wanted her to, then she declined my offers in vulgar ways until she knew that my incessant pleas would not desist. Lastly, I slowly lost interest in “Peter Pan”, and the meanings of being a Lost Boy, or an Indian. I remember the times where I promised to Peter Pan, to the TV, to myself that I would always believe in fairies, that I would never change, that I would never grow up. But I have. I grew up as my sister did, I followed her not knowing that this is the kind of person that I have become. I have become a cynic, unfaithful, without hope, dark, heartbroken, fake and sinful. I remember every time I would clap for Tinker Bell so that she wouldn’t die from the poison, I remember the time where I would scream for Peter Pan because I knew that he needed my help. This nostalgia made me question myself. I asked “How did I change? Who am I to not believe in what I believe? Why do I not believe anymore?” Then I realized the answer as I finished watching the movie and I realized that I had grown up. I’m not a boy anymore, I’m not a child anymore, that I’m all grown up. And this makes me sad, this makes me feel like I lost myself, that I wanted to grow up so fast. I wanted to become a man, but I realize now that that’s not what I want. I want to be the man that is a child forever. I want to believe, I need to believe in Neverland. I want to be remembered as “The man that was always a boy”, to be curious, to be vigor, to have life. I do not want to be stuck. So I ask you my close friends, Have you changed? Is this change for the better? The real question is… where did the time go? P.S. Thanks for reading this long ass post.
