Hello World.

Hmmm question

Should I tumble again?

When Did It All Happen?

This post is going to sound corny in every sense of the word, literally, figuratively, metaphorically etc. But I hope you can bear with me. This is just a collection of my thoughts upon review. 

Today, I watched the movie “Finding Neverland” featuring Johnny Depp, Kate Winslet. This movie depicts the making of J.M. Barrie’s play, “Peter Pan”.

As I was watching this film, I thought that this movie would be just cute, adorable and a bit nostalgic. But I was actually touched. Not tearing, sobbing kind of feeling, but reminiscent of my childhood. What does it mean to be young, innocent, stubborn and all-in-all pure. 

Because I was thinking about my childhood, it reminded me of the times I would see “Peter Pan” on videocassette.

At first it my cousin, my sister and I would watch the play version of  ”Peter Pan” (on vhs) together. But as we got older, slowly one by one we would forget our love and need for Neverland, or the place to imagine. It started with my cousin, she visited less, and less and soon became so distant that it was as if she were stranded on an island that my sister and I could not reach.

Then next it was my sister. Unlike my cousin it wasn’t due to the fact that she wasn’t physically there, but it was the fact that she grew out of her childhood and was becoming the person that she is now. My sister and I used to play pretend. I remember plenty of times being animals, particularly cats and dogs, or of TV characters, such as “Charmed”, but I knew that she was changing. First she would only play because I wanted her to, then she declined my offers in vulgar ways until she knew that my incessant pleas would not desist.

Lastly, I slowly lost interest in “Peter Pan”, and the meanings of being a Lost Boy, or an Indian. I remember the times where I promised to Peter Pan, to the TV, to myself that I would always believe in fairies, that I would never change, that I would never grow up. But I have. I grew up as my sister did, I followed her not knowing that this is the kind of person that I have become. I have become a cynic, unfaithful, without hope, dark, heartbroken, fake and sinful.

I remember every time I would clap for Tinker Bell so that she wouldn’t die from the poison, I remember the time where I would scream for Peter Pan because I knew that he needed my help.

This nostalgia made me question myself. I asked “How did I change? Who am I to not believe in what I believe? Why do I not believe anymore?”

Then I realized the answer as I finished watching the movie and I realized that I had grown up. I’m not a boy anymore, I’m not a child anymore, that I’m all grown up. And this makes me sad, this makes me feel like I lost myself, that I wanted to grow up so fast. I wanted to become a man, but I realize now that that’s not what I want. I want to be the man that is a child forever.

I want to believe, I need to believe in Neverland.

I want to be remembered as “The man that was always a boy”, to be curious, to be vigor, to have life. I do not want to be stuck.

So I ask you my close friends, Have you changed? Is this change for the better? 

The real question is… where did the time go?

P.S.

Thanks for reading this long ass post.

Today is still Day 4 in Brevard, but let me continue my story now!

Day 2.

A beautiful Saturday. I’m all settled in, and was ready to do whatever i pleased. So i ate, practiced and actually played my audition (i’m not Principle of the 2nd Violins now if you were interested). So after my (somewhat) terrible audition, Jean, my new friend CJ (Cliff Wilson :D AHHA), Justin, and my other new friend named Jullian decided that it might be cool to go into town, you know see the sights. Guess what we saw— we saw abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING! We just decided to go to the food market and buy some supplies. After doing that we decided to just stay in town and go to Sonic and order some drinks. During this lovely bonding session, I receive lovely phone call from the Dean of Students, and he told me that me and my very intelligent friends were late. And so i calmly explained to my class mates that we should probably leave since the Dean of Students gave me an Ultimatum that includes “Us back at his porch in 10 mins”. So we ran as gaily as we could back! My friends could not run the whole distance so i did in their stead. 

Thankfully the Dean of Students gave us amnesty because it was our first real day. 

I thought everything was well until:

Day 3. 

So long story short, Justin tells me that he received a letter from BMC to come to a Scholarship Luncheon. And so i checked my Mailbox, and i didn’t receive any mail. So i was thinking, “ok that’s cool…” So Jean and I decided to just hang out. And then at the concert (they played Copeland’s 3rd symphony, and Gershwin’s piano concerto, as well as the Oveture to Candide by Bernstein, and Adagio for Strings by Barber), I received a phone call from my donors… Mr. and Mrs. Vance, and they told me to meet them at the concert. Man did i feel like an ass hole. So basically i told them about myself and stuff…

So basically my stay here so far has been… bleh… ahhaha! but i guess i’m having fun.

I miss you Sarah! Text me or something

<3 love you!

Day Four in Brevard

Hi,

This is day 4 here in Brevard. Today has been a scorcher. But before i go into the details of day 4, let me catch you up on day 1 to start. So day 1 started fine, i got to Brevard around 11:00 pm and registered and all that lovely stuff. Then I went to a practice room, basically practiced till 4? 5? i don’t remember, but i practiced. After that was over i basically went back to my cabin called Newland. Newland seems nice but it’s on the TOP OF THE COLLEGE HILL! College hill is basically the furthest hill away btw. And then i got to hear the BMCO (Brevard Music Center Orchestra) play some show tunes with Frederica von Stade, mezzo-soprano, who is AMAZING! made me cry when they played “Send in the Clowns”. They also played Bolero by Ravel.

Day 2. will be installed later. I got in trouble on this day. WAYYY TOO MUCH.

Peace homes!

Jon Hwang